MARRIAGE REVISTED

A friend of mine recently posted an article on marriage; she wanted to know what my views were on the institution as a whole. It hit me that I have never given marriage any serious thoughts; it has just never been on my bucket list. Marriage to me is one of those things that people have always been doing and as result have never questioned. Is marriage relevant in the twenty first century? What was the basis of marriage? Is it possible to love someone till death do you part?

I understand that most atheists are reluctant to approve of the marriage institution because of the sanctimoniousness and the superstition that is tied to the whole affair. Christians for instance are eager to marry and even stay in clearly failed marriages because it’s written in the Bible that what God has put together let no man put asunder or something close to that. People end being prisoners in prisons they put themselves in. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows the fickle mindedness of human relationships. There are times the people we thought we loved turn out to be complete strangers, do they change or is we that adjust the way we used to view them? Sometimes this can happen within weeks or months. How realistic is it then I wonder, to suppose that one can have a relationship that lasts to their death? This is a clearly wishful thinking at its worst.

The proponents for the marriage institution usually argue that we need the institution for among other reasons to show how committed we are to the person, provide a context for taking care of kids and perpetuating the human race. These might look like valid claims at face value but disintegrate under closer analysis. Do we need to put a ring on someone’s finger to show just how we feel about them; do we need to sign papers to prove that we will stick by them through thick and thin? I think marriage might have served a purpose in the past; according to evolutionary biologists marriage was useful in making sure there were enough resources for the female to raise the kid. The father also benefited because he was provided with a steady outlet for his sexual needs and desires. Marriage also ensured that the father invested in his own children. We can see how this might have been important in the African jungle a few thousand years but the society has changed and our notions of marriage must change as well. The rates of divorce coupled with the number couples going for marital therapy is a clear sign that there is something very wrong here.

Lastly, it’s only fair to say that being an existentialist; I appreciate the fact that some people might find marriage to be fulfilling or even meaningful. To them all I can say is more power to them. I have always been a bit of a cynic and I think the world has a few billion extra people and it would be a great disservice to humanity for me to bring and extra mouth in this world. Marriage being a children churning institution therefore makes very little sense to me.  I know a lot of Christians might use this to confirm their unjustified notions that atheism leads to a bleak view of life. So let me clarify my position, I believe that its possible to care for someone, I might even use the word love for emphasis. It is possible for me to stay with someone that I feel this way about, they should be open minded however, they should be willing to question the conventional notions including those about marriage. I know we all love our fairy tales; we hate uncertainty and profoundly dread change. However a society that is too conforming and stuck up in its old ways it bound to stagnate. Perhaps it’s time to revisit the question of marriage.