Wednesday, September 5, 2012

RAMBLINGS OF AN IDLE MIND


So today I was listening to Serj Tankian’s new album “Harakiri”.  “Within our dreams we wake up to kiss the ones who were born to die.” The song and in deed this about how humanity is washing away in the drains as result of human stupidity and materialistic greed. The album was of course downloaded from torrents. Being a fresh graduate means that I have joined the rest of the population of the unemployed youth, full of ideas but trapped in this shit hole of a place called Nairobi. As if things couldn’t get any worse the electricity is cut off as if to remind me of the KPLC competence levels.

My laptop battery so old and will only last me five minutes before it goes off, I can’t replace the battery and my dad is the stingy type who will never replace it. I will have to postpone listening to this album. As I listened to the album my mind kept racing about humanity and life in general. What really is the cause of our problems? Is it human greed or is it plain old stupidity from us the citizens? I mean we have let a group of incompetent old hags (politicians) to dictate how this country should be run. We have given them the power to burn this country to the ground without the slightest protest or fight. I hear everyone complaining about the economic situation in Kenya, about how politicians have screwed them over. My question is always this, if everyone is complaining then who the fuck put them there in the first place. Like a majority of the youth I have never voted, I wonder what position that puts me, if we all vote then we can definitely tilt the scales towards the leader we would like to see in office. Like the rest I am disillusioned, I don’t think my vote can make any difference, so we keep waiting for the world to change, but who the fuck is gonna change this place?

My ideos finally runs out of battery and I pick up my nokia phone and get hooked back to the social world. I have more friends on Facebook than I do in real life of course. Can I call them friends? Acquaintances perhaps, I have forged true bonds with some of the people I met online though. We love the virtual world because of the anonymity it creates for us. On the virtual world we don’t have to hide who we are, we don’t even have to be who we are; we can create personas and facades behind which we can hide behind. The online world allows us to pour vile and to be rude to people and in deed brings out our dark side sometimes. We don’t have to look into the faces of the faceless online members; we don’t have to see the consequences of what our words might cause, the sadness we might inflict in others, the tears and how disheartening our words can be to those strangers. On the internet it’s easy to forget or pretend that the people we are communicating with are also people like us, with ambitions, emotions and feelings. Does the virtual world change us or does it bring out our real selves? Hmmm

The nokia too finally gives way, I hate being alone with my thoughts sometimes. They usually get too loud sometimes, sometimes they go on auto pilot and I find myself running conversations in my head, with questions and answers to them as if there was someone else in my head. I am not sure if this happens to everyone or whether I should see a shrink. It’s hard to stay without electricity especially since I seem to be addicted to my facebook…ah the virtual world. The real world is dull sometimes and downright ugly in some cases, the virtual world on the other hand is much more ordered, you can filter what you want to see and everything is perfectly represented by words and numbers. Perhaps this is the reason this world seems so appealing to us. I have always thought about death, don’t get me wrong, I am not suicidal…not at the moment anyways. I don’t believe in god, I think the misery present in this world makes a confident case against the god hypothesis. I am willing entertain the idea of a malevolent god but of what use is such a god? He doesn’t deserve any respect from me. As an atheist only this life matters, with this realization people claim to get a sense of how precious life is and to live it to the fullest. A Christian friend once asked me why I didn’t just kill myself; we are going to die in the end after all, right? While I brushed this off as silly, I kept wondering whether there really was a point of life. We struggle, we smile, get our heart broken several times, cry in joy but sometimes in pain and deep suffering…then we die. At that moment when you die, all the memories fade away, all your thoughts, all the relationships you ever forged will disappear, just like that. How can we justify having lived all that time when the grave is all we have to show for what we did in life. I now understand why the prospect of the afterlife is so enticing for most people. If we get to be reborn when we die then all this wasn’t for nothing. We will still have our thoughts and memories about those we loved, the good times we had in this life. The atheist however cannot objectively support the importance of his/her life without falling on axiom that life is important because it’s important. Philosophers would call this circular reaoning.

Why do people commit suicide? I think it takes great balls to end one’s life. I hope that I will never be forced to make such a decision. I can’t imagine the courage it takes one to plunge into the depths of the unknown. At the end of the day my guess about what happens when we die is as good as the next guy’s that alone create so much anxiety and fear about dying for people. I can understand why someone would want to do it, I have a bit of a depressive personality myself so I have experienced trips where I want to escape from my own head, I guess it can get too much to bear that someone would do anything just to make it stop, to numb the pain that can be unbearable. Life can ironically kill you in the end, making death appear like an angel coming to your rescue, shutting down your system, shutting down the voices, the hurt, the pain, the disillusionment, the heartache, some use drugs, others escape into music (guilty), writing, reading, poetry, art you name it, the suicidal individual however knows that this is just buying time. Eventually a solution needs to be found, temporal or permanent.

The electricity is finally back on, time to plug in back to the system, time to keep this mind occupied once more lest it strays too much into the darkness.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

COULD YOU BE DEPRESSED?


Everyone feels bad or sad at one point of their life or the other. While we all feel sad, moody or low from time to time, some people experience these feelings intensely, for long periods of time and often without reason. People with depression find it hard to function every day and may be reluctant to participate in activities they once enjoyed. Many of my friends have reported feeling depressed at one point of time or the other. Sometimes I am concerned, other times I just roll my eyes because I have a fair understanding of what depression entails having studied psychology for four years.
Depression if unattended to can lead to among other things a destabilization of one’s mental health, stress related illnesses and even suicide in its most extreme cases. It is now in deed a fact that most of the reported cases of suicide especially among teenagers are as a result of depression. Cases of depression have been on a steady increase especially in the western world. One might be tempted to think that this is only so in the Western countries but they would be gravely mistaken. The reason for this is not that depression is low in Kenya but its because psychology and psychiatry as fields are largely nonexistent. We can only boast of one mental institution…one mental institution in a country of about forty million. Did I mention that the institution is overcrowded and lacks an adequate number of specialists in the field of mental health?
It can’t get any worse than this, right? Wrong, the situation on the ground far more grave. I have to restrain myself from smacking the large number of people who keep asking me not to read their minds whenever I tell them I have studied psychology. The fact that majority of Kenyans get their information about psychology from fiction is amusing at best and depressing(pardon the pun) at worst. As a result of this confusion about what the field can and cannot do has led to mistrust of the professional as a whole. Many Kenyans think that counseling is largely a waste of money. After all how can paying someone to listen to your problem possibly help to resolve them they say. You have to appreciate the irony that these are the same people who pay charlatans in the name of religious leaders every Sunday to read to them excerpts of an ancient archaic book (buybul). I don’t mean to compare the two fields because one is clearly based on science while the other is based on a few ramblings of first century goat herders. Given that you are reading my blog I assume you know which is which, but I digress.
So what is depression? When should you seek professional help?
Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and physical well-being. Depressed people may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable; experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions; and may contemplate or attempt suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may be present.
Common signs and symptoms of depression
  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
  • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
If you experience a majority of these symptoms then you should make it a point of seeking professional help. Interpersonal therapy has been found to be very effective when combating various types of depression. The earlier the condition is recognize the better the chances of dealing with it before it escalates and causes too much damage.

REFERENCES




Friday, August 10, 2012

MARRIAGE REVISTED


A friend of mine recently posted an article on marriage; she wanted to know what my views were on the institution as a whole. It hit me that I have never given marriage any serious thoughts; it has just never been on my bucket list. Marriage to me is one of those things that people have always been doing and as result have never questioned. Is marriage relevant in the twenty first century? What was the basis of marriage? Is it possible to love someone till death do you part?
I understand that most atheists are reluctant to approve of the marriage institution because of the sanctimoniousness and the superstition that is tied to the whole affair. Christians for instance are eager to marry and even stay in clearly failed marriages because it’s written in the Bible that what God has put together let no man put asunder or something close to that. People end being prisoners in prisons they put themselves in. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows the fickle mindedness of human relationships. There are times the people we thought we loved turn out to be complete strangers, do they change or is we that adjust the way we used to view them? Sometimes this can happen within weeks or months. How realistic is it then I wonder, to suppose that one can have a relationship that lasts to their death? This is a clearly wishful thinking at its worst.
The proponents for the marriage institution usually argue that we need the institution for among other reasons to show how committed we are to the person, provide a context for taking care of kids and perpetuating the human race. These might look like valid claims at face value but disintegrate under closer analysis. Do we need to put a ring on someone’s finger to show just how we feel about them; do we need to sign papers to prove that we will stick by them through thick and thin? I think marriage might have served a purpose in the past; according to evolutionary biologists marriage was useful in making sure there were enough resources for the female to raise the kid. The father also benefited because he was provided with a steady outlet for his sexual needs and desires. Marriage also ensured that the father invested in his own children. We can see how this might have been important in the African jungle a few thousand years but the society has changed and our notions of marriage must change as well. The rates of divorce coupled with the number couples going for marital therapy is a clear sign that there is something very wrong here.
Lastly, it’s only fair to say that being an existentialist; I appreciate the fact that some people might find marriage to be fulfilling or even meaningful. To them all I can say is more power to them. I have always been a bit of a cynic and I think the world has a few billion extra people and it would be a great disservice to humanity for me to bring and extra mouth in this world. Marriage being a children churning institution therefore makes very little sense to me.  I know a lot of Christians might use this to confirm their unjustified notions that atheism leads to a bleak view of life. So let me clarify my position, I believe that its possible to care for someone, I might even use the word love for emphasis. It is possible for me to stay with someone that I feel this way about, they should be open minded however, they should be willing to question the conventional notions including those about marriage. I know we all love our fairy tales; we hate uncertainty and profoundly dread change. However a society that is too conforming and stuck up in its old ways it bound to stagnate. Perhaps it’s time to revisit the question of marriage.